fictionandessays

Rube Goldbergs

by “Mr. Wishy-Washy”

October 22, 2007

(orig. publishing date)

I’ve found another group of people who are here on earth just to completely aggravate me. Computers are the contemporary Rube Goldbergs in the communication world. People associated with programming them are the culprits. Working off-line is generally trouble-free for me. Word processing, spreadsheets, stuff like that. Going into the outside world of cyberspace is like bumping into an ogre. Nothing but trouble. I read Q & A’s about programs concerning lost files, error messages and such. New, or revised versions are the worst. Always claiming this replacement should eliminate the current list of bugs, they’ve revised the bugs, or created new demons.

I’ve been roaming ‘the gremlin’s domain’ in a spaceship named Confusion, for a year now. While attacking my keyboard with well-meaning attempts to hopscotch through the barrage of programs, I consistently kept hearing loud metallic clanging sounds from my laptop. I’d stop my work, and lightly shake it to find the source of the noise. Finding none, I’d go back to work. Shortly, the clanging sounds return. I then disconnected the connections, turned it over and undid the covers. I found nothing loose. “What the hell’s going on here?” I put everything back together and started up again. There it goes again!! (Have any of you other newbies gone through this?)

Carefully analyzing the situation, I figured it out. It’s not the hardware. It’s the software. It’s the work of the sadistic programmers. They throw in a lot of monkey wrenches into the works. Bumping into them creates the noises. I haven’t stopped getting them. Not by a long shot, but now I know what they are, and how to handle them. I wear earmuffs to muffle the sounds while on the ‘Net.

The programmers mentor of course, is Bill Gates. Need I say more. No, but I will. After XP started in 2001, Bill Gates and his henchmen started working on a new Operating System with the given name of ‘Vista’. Even before being released late last year, with still many many bugs to fix, the next generation was already given a name! The original name was ‘Blackcomb’; since then, changed to ‘Vienna’. It’s already in the planning stage. They should have changed the first name to ‘Black hole’. That way, no new system would ever be needed again. No details on the features and improvements were given for this latest mind trap. Suffice to say that features and improvements are euphemisms for monkey wrenches.

The worse the offenders of life are, the deeper in hell they should burn. High on the list are ambulance-chasing lawyers, telemarketers, road-ragers, and others that affect your life. Add to the list, computer programmers.

Why are all these new Operating Systems being developed. Why not stay with one of the earlier versions, say Windows 2000, and just keep debugging it and improving the internal configurations in other beneficial ways? There’s big money keeping the computer world in chaos. Notice the similarity in the spelling of money and monkey (wrenches). More than just a coincidence. Look at all the jobs created. New programs and revisions of these new programs. Memory chip makers to increase abilities of CPUs to handle the constant barrage of new monkey wrenches. Newspaper columnists answering questions from users concerning lost files, error messages, overcoming ‘revised’ program glitches and other bugs ……

Why is Bill Gates worth billions? He’s made billions on the operating systems. Sure; but there’s more. The IRS has prided itself as the epitome of complexity. After looking at the his O.S.s and how they create more problems and frustration with every new system, they were humbled. The chief of the IRS conceded that Gates is really good. No, the best, at creating trouble for computer users. They hired him (and his henchmen), to completely revise the tax code. That’s why tax forms and instructions have become even more of a nightmare the last 15 years or so. The next time you do your taxes ― think Bill Gates.

It goes on and on and on. Could it be the computer world is in existence just for the pleasure of these sadists, and not us users. Yeah, that be it. Am I being too cynical? Maybe, but I doubt it.

© 2007 by James M. Britvich All Rights Reserved